If You Say Go, If You Say Wait...

Hey everyone!
It's been a while since I've done some blogging...so, (as you're probably assuming at this point), here's a new one!! :)

The past few weeks (about a month or so), I've been at that point in life where I'm ready to be where I'm supposed to be..where God wants me to be for an extended period of time. I haven't been secretive with anyone (including my manager) with the fact that I really don't want to be in the banking business forever. I think it's exactly where some people are supposed to be (and I LOVE the things I've learned and people I've met while here), I just don't think I'm one of those people. Some folks are AMAZING at being driven by numbers and dollars, and no offense to them at all, but I'm just not wired that way. My heart is completely for the people that I am able to interact with...their stories, families, pasts, desires for the future...that is what has kept me here as long as it has I think.

But let's be honest, God's timing is a whole lot better than mine. Right now, when all I want is to be doing whatever that next thing is, I have to keep reminding myself that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. I've been reading alot on the topic lately, and I know that right now is when God is teaching me character and patience...both of which are tough pills to swallow when you're as hard-headed as I am. :)

This week, I have been listening to alot of worshippy (is that even a real word?) music on my Pandora station. And a couple days ago, I heard a song that was EXACTLY what I was needing to hear (And I REALLY love when that happens!) The song is If You Say Go by Rita Springer..and here are the lyrics:

If You say go, we will go

If You say wait, we will wait

If You say step out on the water

And they say it can't be done

We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come

Your ways are higher than our ways

And the plans that You have laid

Are good and true

If You call us to the fire

You will not withdraw Your hand

We'll gaze into the flames and look for You

Maybe I just needed to hear those words, but maybe you do too. Have any of you fabulous readers been at this point before? What advice would you give others going through it? Feedback and comments would be fantabulous!

Thank you, as always, for reading!

-Mel

A Tour of Photos

Hey everyone! This past weekend my good friend Katie and I went up to Portland, Oregon (one of my favorite places EVER!!) and I thought I would share some of the highlights for me personally...ENJOY! :)





**Have wings. Will fly. :) **

**Our hostel!! It was AWESOME!!**

**I really do love Earth! PSU may not think so...but it's true! (If you'd like to hear the story, let me know! It's hilarious!)

**Beautiful weather.**

**A tandem bike ride...it was hilarious!!**

**The Portland Loo...and yes, I used it. Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go! :) **

**Stumptown Coffee!**

*Yep.**

**Mother's Bistro aka Breakfast Bliss**

**The view of Portland from the tram**

**Enjoying some scenery thanks to the awesome ride in the tram!**

I LOVE PORTLAND!

**A little break on the trek up to the Rose Gardens and Holocaust Memorial**

*Hellooooo, Portland!**

**Goat Cheese Pancakes and Turkey Bacon...Yes, please!**

**Singin' in the Rain...**

**VooDoo Doughnuts. Enough said.**

*My first taxi ride EVER! I LOVED IT!!**

**On the plane, back to Dallas**

The Price of Some Sacrifices

A few days ago, I saw a movie screening of a Dallas Independent Film called "Between Notes" (If you wanna check out the trailer, here's the link!) : http://vimeo.com/21380581 To be honest, I cried...alot, during the film. I laughed at the scenes where a tandum bike was involved (seriously, what's NOT funny about that??), but there were definitely a lot more tears shed. I know that I'm kinda a sap about somethings..and I'm OK with that. But one of the main things that stuck out to me about this movie was how much I could relate to the main character. His backstory is that he gives up his dreams of being a musician for the sake of a relationship, follows the girl, ends up in corporate America..blah, blah, blah. But I know how that feels. I know it very well. There are things in my life I wish I could definitely change or go back and do differently. I think that if we were all honest with ourselves, we all would say that. Sometimes it's grace and a great thing that things are the way they are, and other times, we make decisions that seem to make sense in the moment, but we don't realize that we sacrifice our dreams in that moment. If I'm being completely honest, I really struggle with trying to forget the past and move on to things ahead. Maybe because I still have those dreams, maybe it's because I think those were better times, maybe I think that was a better me. Whatever the case, it's a tough road. But there's grace. There's always grace. And there's always the desire to want to make myself the best me I can be. And not in corporate America, big house, fast cars, American "dream" way, but in a way where I can use my talents to serve, to give hope, and to offer grace. I want what I do to inspire someone else to be the best them that they can be. Who knows...maybe I will post up some videos with me and my guitar sometime...maybe it will offer hope. Until then...

A Change of Pace...

For the most part, most of the blogs that I've posted so far have been pretty general, pretty fluffy, and pretty...well, pretty pretty.

And today, I'm doing something different. I'm really needing a venting outlet, and I think that this is what blogs can also be used for.

The last 24 hours have been maybe some of the worst that I've ever had. That said, everyone has good days and bad days, but the worst days for me come when I'm at odds with someone really close to me.

I'm not mentioning names or situations or anything like that on here to protect some reputations, but there are some things that I've seen in the past day that have really made me the most upset I think I've ever been.

*For starters, people that put themselves into a box and have no desire to get out of the box they built drives me crazy.

*I can't stand people who tolerate people that treat them like garbage, and even call them friends (I know..love your enemies..I know...I'm just needing this moment, alright?!)

*People that manipulate others into getting their own way breaks my heart. So many people can be involved, and they just don't care...they just want to know that they're in charge, that they have some sense of control.

*And maybe more than the rest, it really, really, REALLY breaks my heart when people are content with mediocrity. They're content with everything not being what they want or desire or dream about. Complacency in the max capacity. That seriously just tears me apart inside.

So here I am, just thinking about these situations and my hands are cold and shaking from my being so upset, and at the same time I just want to cry. My heart is really broken and hurting and frustrated that this is how things are.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of thing? Any situations like this that involved someone close to you? How do you handle it?...Advice, comments, and feedback welcome.

Feeling Churchy?

To be honest, I've been considering writing this for a couple weeks now and I haven't due to the fear I have of giving someone the wrong impression...mainly to my family and close friends. But thanks to a good friend, (ahem...Katie Ellwood..) I think it would be a good thing to share.

I started this blog last year with the intent to speak my mind, emotions, feelings, all of those things. Well, it's a new year... A new start, and I want to make the most of this blog.

As most of you who read this know, I grew up in the church. Not literally. But I have spent a good chunk of my life in a church.

When I was a kid, I was at church Sunday morning for Sunday School, stuck around for Sunday AM service, Sunday PM service, Wednesday night youth group, and Friday night revival meetings. All of those sprinkled with the occassional prayer meeting, bible study, or youth event.

Whew.

I should add here that I am in no way bitter about being raised like I was. I think that it was great having been raised around some amazing Christian folks. I'm grateful for the friendships, mentors, and lessons that I acquired when I was growing up.

But, I think that regardless if you were "raised in the church" like me or not, I think that everyone at some point steps back and re-evaluates why they believe that they believe...why they do what they do...what drives them....

And for me, that didn't come until recently.

It wasn't a cynical or bitter self-evaluation at all. On the contrary, I needed to step back and look at what it all was for.

Did I have purpose?
Did I feel like my life was meaningful and intentional?
What was I living for? Myself? Others? Both?

Fast forward to 2010.

2010 was really a crazy, exciting, unbelievable year.
And honestly, 2010 was the year that I missed the most church that I have in my whole life.
I don't say this to brag at all. I'm not really proud of it...that's just how it was.

But, I really believe that 2010 taught me more about the heart of God than I think I'd ever known before. Again, not something I'm necessarily proud of...that's just how it was for me personally.

Of these things, I've learned that I don't think God is about full sanctuaries or huge shows or massive productions. And honestly, I've thought up until the last couple years, that the bigger the church event..the fuller the sanctuary..the closer God was.

Ignorance at its finest.

For the record, I don't think those are bad. I think that sometimes those are great tools to show people a glimpse of hope and salvation....

But this year has really taught me that God's heart isn't really about those things.

It's about the widows, the orphans, those that feel alone, slaves, the broken, the hurting, those that need someone to listen..to hear, those that need hope.

And those are the things that I want my heart to be about.
I know that I am not alone in this. That's the beauty of hope.


I want to conclude this (fearfully composed) blog with a verse that meant alot to me this year..

Micah 6:8
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

And that, is one of my New Year's Resolutions for 2011.
How about you? What are you wanting to focus on this year?

Some Reflection Time and Appreciation on the Happenings of 2010

These past few days, I've been thinking alot about this year. About things that I was able to experience, opportunities I've had, and I think most of all,

I've been thinking about all the people I've been able to meet and get to know.

(This blog is probably going to come across as pretty cliche and sappy, so just a heads up...you can't say I didn't warn you)

A few days ago, I saw that a friend of mine had added a new application to his Facebook page. A "year of stats" persay. Anyways, this application shuffles through the status updates you've posted on your page this year and puts them all on a single format. I, of course, jumped on that Facebook bandwagon and was a little more emotional that I was expecting when I read what had been accumulated from my status updates this year.

My guitar (new guitar!) was brought up a few times, a lot of things about riding, or fund-raising, or quotes that meant alot this year. But reading through these attached people to each one in my mind.

I may embarrass a few on here, but I'd really like to recognize some folks on here for the (maybe unknowingly) impact they've had on my life this year....

Josh Iniguez and "Iron" Mike Barrow-This year started out with so much fear and intimidation on if I could come anywhere close to being a part of this thing called the Ride:Well Bike Tour. I was seriously scared out of my mind. But you 2 never let my fear conquer me completely. The encouragment I received from you 2 in preparation for this summer is something I am so, so, so thankful for. You 2 are some main reasons why I was able to get over my personal fears, and do something that I'd NEVER thought I'd have the opportunity to do. So guys, thank you.

John and Joey Wirmel-When I received a check in the mail from you guys for my Ride:Well fundraising, I had NO idea the sacrifice you all would be making for that experience. I'm pretty sure I was crying when I saw what you all had sent. That meant so much to me knowing that you all were about to extend your family with a new baby. I was overwhelmed with the gratitude of knowing that you all had so much faith in me, in this cause, and in the belief that I could be a part of something so huge. So John and BFF, thank you.

Rachel McQuitty-Before I started fundraising for Ride:Well, we didn't know each other from the next person, but you have been such a ray of light. You, in your awesome-ness were all on board with helping me meet my goal to be a part of Ride:Well. Your excitment about the whole experience with Blood:Water meant more than you may realize, but it was a continuous encouragement. So, gal, thank you.

My Ride:Well Team-You all are honestly 16 of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life. Your support, encouragement, love, honesty, appreciation, and vulnerability have changed my life for the better. It was a beautiful thing to be on a team with you all and I really, really, REALLY appreciate the time I was able to spend with each of you. "With Everything", Taylor Swift, "Bibbity Bobbity", "Eustice", Iraq, Titanic, and "real life" will always connect me to you. Thank you, guys.

Paul Hurckman and the amazing people at the Oaks-Words can't even come close to describing how grateful I am that I was able to get to meet you all this year. When I first met Paul, I thought "He kinda reminds me of Jesus"...and I don't think that perception has changed much at all. The love for people and your passion for social injustice motivates and inspires me. Thank you all for loving people the way that you do. I hope that I can show people love the way that you all have showed it to me.

Others that I have been able to get to know this year (in no particular order) : Air Review (guys, you're just so awesome! Thanks for letting me hang out at the merch table and hear you all play your hearts out), Life Fellowship folks (thank you for the constant encouragment!), Jessica Bell, everyone at Blood:Water, Katie Ellwood, Criselda Vasquez, The entire Obrey family in Chandler, AZ., Lisa Rudzik(thank you SO much for teaching me everything I know about bikes!), James Trammell, the support system of friends at FNB (thank you, thank you, thank you.), to EACH AND EVERY ONE of you that donated in any capacity towards Ride:Well, I am eternally grateful. You all inspired me to push myself beyond my limits...and if I missed you, please know that I just have some memory loss issues, but you are still very appreciated. :)

THANK YOU for being a part of my 2010 story, and allowing me to be a part of yours. I'm truly grateful.

Character Flaws and the Necessity of Grace

This past Sunday, Jim and I headed down to the Oaks Fellowship in Red Oak to attend their college age group's event called Second Sunday. The Gat (as this group is called) and the Oaks are some serious supporters of Ride:Well, so they definitely have some love from this gal.

Aaron Smith, the founder of Venture Expeditions spoke about starting the organization, things God has done in the last few years since it's starting, and the sacrifices that came along with putting faith behind what God had called him to do with Venture.

After he spoke, Aaron, the young adults pastor gave a message (which I for one REALLY needed) about Jacob and the character flaws he possessed. About when he wrestled with the angel of God and the angel asked him his name, there were so many negative attachments that came along with it...

Deciever...Liar...and someone who constantly made decisions to put himself first.

Aaron challenged everyone to look at themselves to see what those character flaws were in us. Some were obvious in me.

Fear...Doubt...Cynisism...

But last night, I was faced with one that I hadn't seen as clearly.

Last night I was in my first car accident. I rear-ended a teenage kid who was driving his mom's Chevy Tahoe. For the record, neither one of us were speeding. We were both coming to a stop at a red light. My not-so-tractful tires and a light rain proved to be enough to not let my brakes do their job. We are both OK though.

But one thing that I'm really seeing in myself after-the-fact, is how easy it is for me to extend grace to others, but RARELY ever to myself. I put so much blame on myself while I was standing there in the rain examining the damage waiting for the police officer to come out to examine the damage. Even today, I think I've apologized about 10 times for what happened.

I know, I know...it's an Accident.

But, for some reason, in my heart and my mind, I thought I was maybe exempt? I don't know.

Maybe this happened as a teaching tool of how often I do this to myself. Maybe this is some way of me learning my character flaws so I can change the negative things and become what it is I'm supposed to be instead.

So, here it is...here I am letting some vulnerability take place for a second.

I'm Melissa. I'm afraid of disappointing people. I doubt myself more often than not. I'm cynical about silly things, and I find it easy to give grace to others while denying myself of it.

I'm working on being: Confident in my abilities and talents despite others' opinions. Encouraging and positive about everything (even myself!), and giving myself grace...Grace. Grace. Grace.

How about you? What are some character flaws that you have? What do you want to change to make yourself the person you want to be?